Originally published as a guest post in the Mamas, Stronger Together Guest series on Joy A. Mead – Christian reflections on everyday happenings, motherhood, & transatlantic life (joyamead.com).
It was the first playdate at their home— yes, we had found that we were very similar and that our children got on after a few park playdates. But beyond that, it was still a sapling of a relationship.
Once the children were fed and happily playing, we stood in the kitchen, watching from afar— hoping we would be able to have a few moments of peace to finally chat.
‘How are you?’, she asked. I sighed and paused. And then all the pent up thoughts and emotions came tumbling out.
I had been struggling with my stress eating lately and although it felt embarrassing to admit it to a physical person, it came out. I described in detail the feelings of being out of control in the presence of home baked goods. She hugged her mug tighter and said, ‘Me too.’
Those 2 words— what a gift.
Our friendship is now almost a year old and it has been the most lifegiving relationship I have had since my years of being trapped in chronic pain. We have traversed all topics ranging from exchanging tips on how to navigate boundaries with our highly sensitive children to pricklier subjects in the Christian community, like sex.
And as we shared more, my excitement grew. My passion for creating a community where we could cultivate the sense of safety to enable the sharing of all these deep struggles we have as Christian mums began to deepen. We talked excitedly about breaking the taboo the Christian community had on leaning into our emotions and our dark areas.
We drank more tea over the thoughts of untangling the mess of approaching life from a legalistic, religious view—afraid to tell others about any struggles. We envisioned a more open, non-judgemental space for mamas to face real challenges safely and all covered in the love, grace, and truth of relationship with Jesus.
As I look back, I see how much I have grown, with my capacity as a mama and in my spirit as I’ve embraced community with others. In fact, the Bible was meant to be read out loud and in community. I imagined the silence as a handful of excited yet apprehensive members of a house church in Ephesus sat huddled around a single flickering flame as Paul’s letter was being read. I imagined that after the letter was finally read out, exhales could be heard and the beginning of quiet exchanges of questions and answers. They would leave hours later, under the cover of darkness, with the glow of Paul’s words in their hearts.
As I look back, I see how much I have grown, with my capacity as a mama and in my spirit as I’ve embraced community with others.
Before being a mama of two, I wore the badge of “introvert” proudly. I shunned most group events (Thank God I married an extrovert!). But lockdown changed it all. I was in the depths of my despair as my chronic pain escalated. The effects of insomnia and isolation had also truly unravelled the control I had on my thoughts. I finally broke down and bought Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson’s book, Desperate. In Chapter Two, I answered their call to action to challenge our pride in being able to journey motherhood alone. I needed to find community as a way to heal from this shattered sense of identity and hope as a mama.
So I finally texted a Christian neighbour. I had been given her number by a mutual friend who discovered we lived on the same street. My text thankfully was met with a beautiful reply. And there, I found my first sense of community as a mama living abroad, away from my childhood and university friends.
It’s amazing how Jesus knits things together. This was a mama I never met before, and there we were sat in her front room when the similar pent up thoughts and emotions— this time over insomnia— tumbled out. Her reply was a, ‘Me too.’
There it was again! Those 2 beautiful words that connect us mamas together.
From that tender sapling of connection, we spent a year praying and fasting together for healing from insomnia. And healing came- slowly but surely.
So dear mama, I just want to encourage you today. Whatever you’re struggling with today, you are not alone in experiencing it. Seek out the community. Be bold in reaching out. Be buoyed by hope as you step out. I pray Jesus will lead you to the right person or community where wholeness, sōzō will return.
Whatever you’re struggling with today, you are not alone in experiencing it.
I leave you with this beautiful verse:
‘So let’s do it—full of belief, confident that we’re presentable inside and out. Let’s keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching.’ (Hebrews 10:22- 25, MSG)
mama made whole 
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